It's All a Matter of Perspective

Today the Goddess taught me a very important lesson about choices. On my way home this evening, I passed two gentlemen walking along the side of the road. As I passed them, they turned to look at me and I them. I felt very strongly that they had been waiting for me. I was tired, hungry, and not really feeling up to picking up any travellers, so I said a quick prayer to Asphaltia to send another car and kept on going.

As soon as I said the prayer I knew I was wrong. I felt Her disappointment in me, along with the distinct impression that I was not listening. I considered this with some sadness as I continued to head towards home. I had spent the previous day (and I do mean the entire day) preparing for and participating in a very intense and moving group ritual. The strongest aspect of this was the ever-present presence of the divine in the guise of various deities. After a whole day of communing with the gods, as it were, I was quite worn out, but also very vividly aware of Asphaltia's displeasure with me. In fact, the further I drove away from the two men, the more the sensation of wrongness increased. I KNEW I was making the wrong decision, and the knowing became stronger and stronger until it became a physical sensation of pain and distress. Finally, I pulled over, put the car in park, and pulled out my cell phone to call my sister and ask her advice. Of course, she didn't answer.

I sat there on the side of the road quite paralyzed for a few minutes. All of my instincts and gut (which were freshly tuned to the will of the Universe) were vibrating with the knowledge that I needed to go back and speak with those men. Yet my "rational mind" was arguing all manner of reasons to continue home. I was a woman alone on a country road, no-one knew where I was, there was plenty of room anywhere for them to drag me off and murder me. And yet, I argued with myself, I was in a high vibratory state. I was in a good mood. I knew that I had taken this way, and not the way I had intended, because Asphaltia wanted me to meet these men. How could I believe the Universe would punish me for listening to it? Yet the irrational fear that all women are programmed with was compelling me to ignore all of this and continue home. And caught between the very rational and sane ideas of safety - and the very irrational pull of instinct and intuition - I could think of one thing to break the tie. Faith. (I had asked my sister a few hours earlier how I would exercise my faith muscles!)

Asphaltia has saved me from certain death more times than I can count. She answers even my smallest and simplest of prayers with the quickest of responses. I knew she would never allow harm to me, and this was Her idea. And, still further I reasoned, to go home was a decision made in fear. I knew I would drop to a lower energy level and be upset with myself for the rest of the day. I resolved not to choose fear. So I turned the car around and headed back to find those men. "Asphaltia help me," I said, "but I am only doing this because I believe in you and that you will never allow harm to come to me, and you told me to do this. This may be one of the craziest things I've ever done, but I'm doing it. Please protect me." And so I went to find them. And find them I did.

I pulled my car along side and asked the two men if they were ok and needed any helo. And as they turned to ask me how I was, I noticed both of them wore nice wooden crucifixes. It was as if my eyes were guided to the symbols of their faith - the Universe informing me that I was in the presence of others who serve. And such was absolutely the case. As it turns out, these two young men were walking for a cause: Walk of Dreams. We had a wonderful conversation about their charity and I offered what help I could and drove away. As I left, I heard them say to each other, "That was pretty cool." "Yeah." It was indeed cool.

Had I chosen fear, nothing would have happened, other than choosing fear. The two men would have continued along their chosen route none the wiser. I would have continued home and likely had a terrible evening where I was upset with myself for making the wrong choice. I also would not have been blessed with the opportunity to meet others such as myself, who though they serve deity in another guise, certainly serve life and love as much as I do. And I would not have learned a multitude of lessons from this. I would not have realized that the silence of my "monkey brain" (or id), which I had taken for defeat, was actually due to its clever new disguise as "rational mind." I would have missed an amazing opportunity for the Universe to reinforce the idea that perspective determines reality, and not had my faith in humanity renewed. I would not be sitting here, writing in this blog, because I would also not have had several other pertinent realizations about myself, my self image and my path. I would not have realized how much I was allowing fear and the opinions of others to dictate my path.

One little decision, seemingly unimportant has already changed my life significantly. And who knows what new decisions will be made from my new found perspective. Isn't it funny how the results are the exact opposite of what I had imagined they would be? The path which seemed to be safest - was also the wrong path - which would have led to more of the same. The path that terrified me - that seemed absolutely insane - led to a wonderful journey of insights and self discovery.

Solstice Thoughts

As the wheel of the year turns again and we find ourselves once more celebrating the Summer Solstice, I feel it only appropriate that our thoughts should turn toward the Sun and consider it's nature. The sun is the center of our solar system; it's life is our own. Its birth begat our world and those in our neighborhood. It's light makes life here possible. Consider for a moment the intrinsic necessity of the Sun and all it has given so freely.

Consider still further the request it makes of us. For all that it gives is given freely and given to all. Male, female, hermaphrodite; the Sun warms all and does not care for the gender of those its rays touch. Rich, poor, middle class... black, white, Hispanic, Asian, mixed... tall, short, skinny, fat, average... the Sun does not care. The Sun gives life to all and all alike... to sinners and saints, evildoers and compassionate beings. The Sun gives to ALL. Sol makes no distinctions, no requirements, no exceptions.

And so on this day that we celebrate he height of the Sun, I ask of you this, who are we to beg to differ? Who are we but the children of the stars, beings bound together in inextricable ways to the entirety of the Universe. Yet we small fragile things presume in our hubris that our judgement is superior to that of the Sun? I disagree.

I think the Sun has the right of things. We, deluded by our own cleverness, are ignorant at best for failing to see that our fate lies with the fate of millions of others - that we survive as a species or perish as a species. And so I charge you on this sacred day, those of you who dare to call yourselves children of the stars and followers of the ancient ways, I challenge you to actually think about your life and your heart. I challenge you to ask yourself if you live like the Sun. I challenge you to take this day to embody that which you hold sacred. Let go of your hollow words and celebrate the Sun with feelings and deeds - by taking one day to see the world as the Sun and love it - no distinctions, no exceptions, no conditions. Just give your light and your love unconditionally for one day. After all, the Sun has been doing it for longer than you can fathom.

Compassion Mind: Being in the Love

For awhile now, the universe has been sending messages my way about "being in the love." And while it sounds like the simplest response to a multitude of questions I ask, it has been deceptively difficult. Until today. This morning I woke up half an hour late to discover that my phone had died. Hence, no alarm. Once it was on I discovered that I needed to be at my destination half an hour early - which meant I had about ten minutes to finish getting ready - nowhere near enough time to do yoga or meditate. Normally this might cause me to feel in a bit of a funk and expect the day to not go well. Instead I promised to do yoga earlier and as for the meditation - well, I would try to be mindful every moment and not just while sitting on my floor.

I can't say that I managed to be as zen as I set out to be - but somehow I did manage to stay in the love. And amazing things happened. I felt bad just low in energy, so I donned my sunglasses, went outside, and picked a tree. And I sat there, peacefully, enjoying the beautiful day. Soon some honey bees appeared in the flowers near me. Being a fan of honey, and decently informed about bees and their importance, I concentrated on the bee and thought about how grateful I was for his presence and how much love I had for him at that moment. After collecting his nectar he paused to buzz by my head for a few seconds before zipping off. A second bee appeared and we repeated our dance. It was a wonderfully magical experience.

Then my three year old niece appeared and began to ask me questions about what I was doing and why I was sitting with a tree. And just as I had chose to love the bees, I chose to love her questions. We talked about spring and nature and types of trees, and where fruit came from - which was pretty amazing. Then we spotted two spiders in a beautiful web inches from my head which allowed us both to see them up close. Being a spider woman myself, I was blessed to hear my girl say, "Hi Spider. Hehhe, they're so cute! I think that one's a little girl like me!" And then, I got to watch her play hide and seek with the faeries.

Later, when my niece was tired, and not being a good listener - I as again presented with the opportunity to choose love. She was running around, giggling, and wearing grandma's patience thin. I felt myself feeling impatient and wondered what exactly I could do - punishing her wasn't going to work. So I firmly told her that it was nap time - and that she would need to practice before school. She could choose to lie on the couch alone and angry, or come and cuddle with me, but she had to lie there. We struggled for ten minutes, her wiggling, me loving - and talking softly every time I told her to be still. Finally I wrapped her in a giant hug, curled up behind her and deliberately bathed her in love. I focused on how much I love her and how safe and comfortable she was. And then the yawning began. Soon enough, the wiggle monster had disappeared to be replaced by a sleeping angel.

The ride home was just as magical. When a slow car was in front of me I focused on loving them, and choosing it over the annoyance and anger I would normally feel. They shortly turned and everything went perfectly well. Other people used their turn signals, lights were green for me, and I didn't have to wait to turn. The world was a stunning landscape bathed in light and I was traveling through endless beauty. And somewhere along the way I realized I was having a WONDERFUL day. I could fill the screen with adjectives - or simply say I was in love.

Yes, you might say my results were simple things - but I was happy - and the world around me flowed perfectly, and I in it. And as a result - things worked perfectly for me. I realized and recognized that I was choosing love each time I was faced with a choice - and brushed away negative thoughts by focusing on love and beauty. For a day that started with the potential for disaster - the sort of day where everything goes wrong - my simple intention to live mindfully led me to find a wonderful day and be conscious of choosing it. All I had to do was be mindful - and stay in the love. Simple, right? Hopefully it is now that I know the way.

Why Pagans and Buddhists Should Roleplay

Every experience in life presents us with an opportunity to learn a lesson. Repetition, ironically, provides us both with a vehicle for learning lessons but conversely creating patterns, habits, and modes of responding to situations which are repeated unconsciously. In many cases we already know who we are and how we respond to things - and so many lessons in life are repeated in a seemingly endless cycle because of our unwillingness to change the patterns that we have defined as our personalities and selves.

This is where true roleplaying begins. Learning to truly roleplay means to let go of the personalities and identities we see as ourselves and becoming someone else. If you can engage your child personality fully in the act of play and embrace your character, you are in a very real way, consciously choosing an incarnation in which to learn karma and life lessons that you as an individual are resistant to learning.

This tool works best when you are a fully engaged player and are blessed with a fully engaged storyteller and rp group. As with thought forms, astral constructs, and other "advanced" forms of magical creation, group effort produces the most intense effects. There are a couple of reasons for this. From a magical perspective - more people = more energy = more "concrete" construction. Society is an excellent example of this principle at work. From a scientific perspective, there is a point of mathematical "critical mass" that defines the point at which reality is altered by the belief of people. This number is always the same in relation to the population at large. Thus, when a small group of people are present, their collective belief system alters their immediate reality. Ergo, get a bunch of people together who create a communal reality - and you wind up with a very complicated, intricate, and large world (or worlds) - that is also very REAL.

Another means of allowing roleplaying to work most effectively for you is to grow to the point of creating a character who seems least like yourself. This allows for surprisingly new perspectives on life - and profound spiritual realizations. My admittedly favourite character at present is one that I still marvel at playing. She is many things I thought I would never play - but I have learned incredible life lessons from her. As my spiritual journey informed the perspectives from which I approached her life trauma - her amazing growth in response (which also makes her the thing I never thought I would do) has informed my spiritual growth in return - intertwining our karma. This is due to the degree to which I have allowed myself to step outside of who I am and what I do - and experience situations from radically new perspectives. In playing her I allow myself to fully experience "crazy" - which is perhaps her ultimate gift to me in terms of mental shift. By completely shedding myself of cultural boundaries and definitions and disregarding the concept of "crazy" I have found the freedom of my authentic self.

So how do you reach the point where your roleplaying character teaches you karmic lessons that you were ignoring for years? Play. Play. Play. Play until you fall back into make believe again - and find a troupe of friends who make believe with you. Better yet, find a game everyone enjoys, and bring your whole spiritual group into it. Incarnating as alternative selves with the people you attend ritual with speeds your development as a group - and alters social relationships to the point where people can more easily overcome shared karma and learn shared lessons. That is what breeds healthy and strong spiritual groups - and honestly, makes the most amazing games.

And then go lose yourself in someone you never once imagined yourself to be - and give yourself the freedom to change.