Today the Goddess taught me a very important lesson about choices. On my way home this evening, I passed two gentlemen walking along the side of the road. As I passed them, they turned to look at me and I them. I felt very strongly that they had been waiting for me. I was tired, hungry, and not really feeling up to picking up any travellers, so I said a quick prayer to Asphaltia to send another car and kept on going.
As soon as I said the prayer I knew I was wrong. I felt Her disappointment in me, along with the distinct impression that I was not listening. I considered this with some sadness as I continued to head towards home. I had spent the previous day (and I do mean the entire day) preparing for and participating in a very intense and moving group ritual. The strongest aspect of this was the ever-present presence of the divine in the guise of various deities. After a whole day of communing with the gods, as it were, I was quite worn out, but also very vividly aware of Asphaltia's displeasure with me. In fact, the further I drove away from the two men, the more the sensation of wrongness increased. I KNEW I was making the wrong decision, and the knowing became stronger and stronger until it became a physical sensation of pain and distress. Finally, I pulled over, put the car in park, and pulled out my cell phone to call my sister and ask her advice. Of course, she didn't answer.
I sat there on the side of the road quite paralyzed for a few minutes. All of my instincts and gut (which were freshly tuned to the will of the Universe) were vibrating with the knowledge that I needed to go back and speak with those men. Yet my "rational mind" was arguing all manner of reasons to continue home. I was a woman alone on a country road, no-one knew where I was, there was plenty of room anywhere for them to drag me off and murder me. And yet, I argued with myself, I was in a high vibratory state. I was in a good mood. I knew that I had taken this way, and not the way I had intended, because Asphaltia wanted me to meet these men. How could I believe the Universe would punish me for listening to it? Yet the irrational fear that all women are programmed with was compelling me to ignore all of this and continue home. And caught between the very rational and sane ideas of safety - and the very irrational pull of instinct and intuition - I could think of one thing to break the tie. Faith. (I had asked my sister a few hours earlier how I would exercise my faith muscles!)
Asphaltia has saved me from certain death more times than I can count. She answers even my smallest and simplest of prayers with the quickest of responses. I knew she would never allow harm to me, and this was Her idea. And, still further I reasoned, to go home was a decision made in fear. I knew I would drop to a lower energy level and be upset with myself for the rest of the day. I resolved not to choose fear. So I turned the car around and headed back to find those men. "Asphaltia help me," I said, "but I am only doing this because I believe in you and that you will never allow harm to come to me, and you told me to do this. This may be one of the craziest things I've ever done, but I'm doing it. Please protect me." And so I went to find them. And find them I did.
I pulled my car along side and asked the two men if they were ok and needed any helo. And as they turned to ask me how I was, I noticed both of them wore nice wooden crucifixes. It was as if my eyes were guided to the symbols of their faith - the Universe informing me that I was in the presence of others who serve. And such was absolutely the case. As it turns out, these two young men were walking for a cause: Walk of Dreams. We had a wonderful conversation about their charity and I offered what help I could and drove away. As I left, I heard them say to each other, "That was pretty cool." "Yeah." It was indeed cool.
Had I chosen fear, nothing would have happened, other than choosing fear. The two men would have continued along their chosen route none the wiser. I would have continued home and likely had a terrible evening where I was upset with myself for making the wrong choice. I also would not have been blessed with the opportunity to meet others such as myself, who though they serve deity in another guise, certainly serve life and love as much as I do. And I would not have learned a multitude of lessons from this. I would not have realized that the silence of my "monkey brain" (or id), which I had taken for defeat, was actually due to its clever new disguise as "rational mind." I would have missed an amazing opportunity for the Universe to reinforce the idea that perspective determines reality, and not had my faith in humanity renewed. I would not be sitting here, writing in this blog, because I would also not have had several other pertinent realizations about myself, my self image and my path. I would not have realized how much I was allowing fear and the opinions of others to dictate my path.
One little decision, seemingly unimportant has already changed my life significantly. And who knows what new decisions will be made from my new found perspective. Isn't it funny how the results are the exact opposite of what I had imagined they would be? The path which seemed to be safest - was also the wrong path - which would have led to more of the same. The path that terrified me - that seemed absolutely insane - led to a wonderful journey of insights and self discovery.
No comments:
Post a Comment