Accepting the Gift

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       For a few years now I've been learning to work with runes as another method of divination; primarily as self-work. One of the runes that has repeatedly appeared in such readings has been Gebo (it looks like an x). In the sources I've been using, the one word translation of that rune is the gift. For the years that I have been learning and keeping records, all of my readings have seemed to revolve around the superficial aspect of that meaning and ignored the deeper implications of it's other meanings. Gebo is also a rune of exchanges, personal relationships, partnerships, balance, barter, bargains and karmic returns. Put another way, Gebo is all about the cord that ties you to another. But what does that mean?
       We carry around with us burdens - psychic and emotional baggage that weighs us down and can eventually cripple us. Often these memories are tied to another and the harm that they have done us. The neurotic among us will also carry the guilt of the wrongs we did. Neither of these allows us to grow past a pain. It leaves us trapped to the recording of a yesterday that can never be revisited,  or so we believe. But what if we could change those memories? What if what we remembered about people (ourselves included) was about the gifts they gave us? But how would we do that?
       Years ago I was involved in a relationship with someone I loved very deeply. He was my best friend and I loved him. Our relationship came to a very painful and screeching halt one weekend when a drinking game revealed a dark secret that felt like the ultimate betrayal. Piled on top of all my other traumas in my young life, this particular one was too much, and so I tried to kill myself. Obviously,  it didn't work.
       My emotional devastation was so complete that it literally destroyed the person I had been up until this point. Freed of my past, I found a whole new identity and life - all leading up to the person I am today. After almost two and a half decades of dysfunctionality, I embarked upon a journey to follow my life path and be living the dream I am today.
       Happy ending, right? Well, almost. After college, I moved back home. And as it happens, so did he. His life isn't so great. In fact, I've been struggling with that fact all day. Maybe a lot of other girls would be wishing revenge. No, not me. I've been feeling guilty because I have a life that is wildly successful beyond all expectations.  It isn't perfect, but but I love it, and it's mine.
       Why do I get the happy sequels? Because I chose it, and still choose it.  It breaks my heart to see him suffer, and the part of me that will always love him wishes I could stop that. But I already tried. I know that we made a promise to each other before this lifetime. I know I asked him to break my heart so I could fly free. And he did. I don't know what he asked me, only that the possibility of it was so terrifying that the kept running and still is. The difference between us is that I have accepted the gift.
       That is the deeper secret of gebo. All relationships are created and designed to foster the exchange of information. Sometimes that information hurts. Sometimes pain is the only way we have allowed ourselves to learn it. That doesn't mean it has to hurt us forever. All we have to do is accept the gift. If we can let go of the pain long enough to focus on the positives that came from it, if we can remember the giver as someone we love who promised to help us, if we focus on the now as a direct result of that moment, we can be free to grow. That's why they call it the present; it's a gift. Do you accept it?