Compassion Mind: Being in the Love

For awhile now, the universe has been sending messages my way about "being in the love." And while it sounds like the simplest response to a multitude of questions I ask, it has been deceptively difficult. Until today. This morning I woke up half an hour late to discover that my phone had died. Hence, no alarm. Once it was on I discovered that I needed to be at my destination half an hour early - which meant I had about ten minutes to finish getting ready - nowhere near enough time to do yoga or meditate. Normally this might cause me to feel in a bit of a funk and expect the day to not go well. Instead I promised to do yoga earlier and as for the meditation - well, I would try to be mindful every moment and not just while sitting on my floor.

I can't say that I managed to be as zen as I set out to be - but somehow I did manage to stay in the love. And amazing things happened. I felt bad just low in energy, so I donned my sunglasses, went outside, and picked a tree. And I sat there, peacefully, enjoying the beautiful day. Soon some honey bees appeared in the flowers near me. Being a fan of honey, and decently informed about bees and their importance, I concentrated on the bee and thought about how grateful I was for his presence and how much love I had for him at that moment. After collecting his nectar he paused to buzz by my head for a few seconds before zipping off. A second bee appeared and we repeated our dance. It was a wonderfully magical experience.

Then my three year old niece appeared and began to ask me questions about what I was doing and why I was sitting with a tree. And just as I had chose to love the bees, I chose to love her questions. We talked about spring and nature and types of trees, and where fruit came from - which was pretty amazing. Then we spotted two spiders in a beautiful web inches from my head which allowed us both to see them up close. Being a spider woman myself, I was blessed to hear my girl say, "Hi Spider. Hehhe, they're so cute! I think that one's a little girl like me!" And then, I got to watch her play hide and seek with the faeries.

Later, when my niece was tired, and not being a good listener - I as again presented with the opportunity to choose love. She was running around, giggling, and wearing grandma's patience thin. I felt myself feeling impatient and wondered what exactly I could do - punishing her wasn't going to work. So I firmly told her that it was nap time - and that she would need to practice before school. She could choose to lie on the couch alone and angry, or come and cuddle with me, but she had to lie there. We struggled for ten minutes, her wiggling, me loving - and talking softly every time I told her to be still. Finally I wrapped her in a giant hug, curled up behind her and deliberately bathed her in love. I focused on how much I love her and how safe and comfortable she was. And then the yawning began. Soon enough, the wiggle monster had disappeared to be replaced by a sleeping angel.

The ride home was just as magical. When a slow car was in front of me I focused on loving them, and choosing it over the annoyance and anger I would normally feel. They shortly turned and everything went perfectly well. Other people used their turn signals, lights were green for me, and I didn't have to wait to turn. The world was a stunning landscape bathed in light and I was traveling through endless beauty. And somewhere along the way I realized I was having a WONDERFUL day. I could fill the screen with adjectives - or simply say I was in love.

Yes, you might say my results were simple things - but I was happy - and the world around me flowed perfectly, and I in it. And as a result - things worked perfectly for me. I realized and recognized that I was choosing love each time I was faced with a choice - and brushed away negative thoughts by focusing on love and beauty. For a day that started with the potential for disaster - the sort of day where everything goes wrong - my simple intention to live mindfully led me to find a wonderful day and be conscious of choosing it. All I had to do was be mindful - and stay in the love. Simple, right? Hopefully it is now that I know the way.

Why Pagans and Buddhists Should Roleplay

Every experience in life presents us with an opportunity to learn a lesson. Repetition, ironically, provides us both with a vehicle for learning lessons but conversely creating patterns, habits, and modes of responding to situations which are repeated unconsciously. In many cases we already know who we are and how we respond to things - and so many lessons in life are repeated in a seemingly endless cycle because of our unwillingness to change the patterns that we have defined as our personalities and selves.

This is where true roleplaying begins. Learning to truly roleplay means to let go of the personalities and identities we see as ourselves and becoming someone else. If you can engage your child personality fully in the act of play and embrace your character, you are in a very real way, consciously choosing an incarnation in which to learn karma and life lessons that you as an individual are resistant to learning.

This tool works best when you are a fully engaged player and are blessed with a fully engaged storyteller and rp group. As with thought forms, astral constructs, and other "advanced" forms of magical creation, group effort produces the most intense effects. There are a couple of reasons for this. From a magical perspective - more people = more energy = more "concrete" construction. Society is an excellent example of this principle at work. From a scientific perspective, there is a point of mathematical "critical mass" that defines the point at which reality is altered by the belief of people. This number is always the same in relation to the population at large. Thus, when a small group of people are present, their collective belief system alters their immediate reality. Ergo, get a bunch of people together who create a communal reality - and you wind up with a very complicated, intricate, and large world (or worlds) - that is also very REAL.

Another means of allowing roleplaying to work most effectively for you is to grow to the point of creating a character who seems least like yourself. This allows for surprisingly new perspectives on life - and profound spiritual realizations. My admittedly favourite character at present is one that I still marvel at playing. She is many things I thought I would never play - but I have learned incredible life lessons from her. As my spiritual journey informed the perspectives from which I approached her life trauma - her amazing growth in response (which also makes her the thing I never thought I would do) has informed my spiritual growth in return - intertwining our karma. This is due to the degree to which I have allowed myself to step outside of who I am and what I do - and experience situations from radically new perspectives. In playing her I allow myself to fully experience "crazy" - which is perhaps her ultimate gift to me in terms of mental shift. By completely shedding myself of cultural boundaries and definitions and disregarding the concept of "crazy" I have found the freedom of my authentic self.

So how do you reach the point where your roleplaying character teaches you karmic lessons that you were ignoring for years? Play. Play. Play. Play until you fall back into make believe again - and find a troupe of friends who make believe with you. Better yet, find a game everyone enjoys, and bring your whole spiritual group into it. Incarnating as alternative selves with the people you attend ritual with speeds your development as a group - and alters social relationships to the point where people can more easily overcome shared karma and learn shared lessons. That is what breeds healthy and strong spiritual groups - and honestly, makes the most amazing games.

And then go lose yourself in someone you never once imagined yourself to be - and give yourself the freedom to change.

The Power of Perception

Very often in life we complain about things being beyond our control, about things done to us, of injustices we have suffered, of circumstances we must live through. Many times we refuse to be empowered and take control of our own lives because we would rather wallow in misery. Often we give up without even trying because we feel we are doomed to failure. And even more often, we like to justify our failures by pretending that circumstances beyond our control kept us from being great. But the truth is the only thing that keeps us from anything - is ourselves.

I am aware of two women who the world considers to be disabled. One, Teri, was born without an arm. The other, Sarah, had her lower legs amputated shortly after birth. We could argue over which is the greater disability, but that is not the purpose of this exercise in thought. The purpose of this is to look at their lives and consider who is actually disabled. Teri is a drug addict. She married an alcoholic. She lives on the same plot of land as her parents with only her daughter to keep her company. She has no education and lives on disability checks from the government. She is, by all accounts, a miserable human being. Sarah, on the other hand, is a motivational speaker. She graduated from Georgetown, interned at the Pentagon, and competed in many athletic events (which she won). She is also a model and actress. She has even made People magazine's list of most beautiful people.

How interesting the differences are between these two women. They are in many ways, opposites. What made the difference? Attitude. Teri gave up on life. She feels the world owes her. She carries the baggage of being ugly and unloved and projects it upon all of her relationships. Sarah changed the dialogue. She inspires schoolchildren and even inspires envy in others because of her ability to change her height at will. Her positive attitude and refusal to identify as disabled has allowed her to elevate herself to a superhuman place.

Which kind of person are you? Do you justify your laziness because of some "disability" you possess or do you push yourself to do the impossible? Are you a quitter? Have you given up without trying? Did you show up for yourself and win the race no-one thought you could enter? Which kind of person do you want to be? Do you love yourself enough to stop defending your failures and choose to succeed?

For every shortcoming, unfortunate circumstance, and obstacle in our path, there is another person out there who has the same. They are living their dreams. Why aren't you?

The Challenge

No-one wants to be special anymore. Only the truly naive beg to be special, and even then it's their kind of special - chosen one, fairy tale princess, supremely powerful witch - a one-sided childhood fantasy of magically having everything we've ever wanted without having to do anything for it but wait for it to happen because we are... special. And so the wisest among us wrap ourselves in Copernican theory. We're so far removed from the center of the universe that we think we are a freak accident of cosmic chaos, a temporary and meaningless blip of nothing. We've gone from the pathetically egocentric and geocentric model of existence to the opposite extreme; a coldly logical and nihilistic worldview that leaves us with nothing. Given that, neither view is likely to be correct. The answer instead must lie somewhere in the middle.

Logically, in any given set of data, there will be extremes. And so it stands to reason that despite our current abhorrence of the concept, some of us must in fact, be special. And given our current knowledge of infinite multiverse, it may be radical, but not unfair to say that we, as humans, are ALL special. So why are we so reluctant to be so?

If the naive are desperate to be special, the experienced are reluctant to be so for they alone bear the secret that every hero knows: it is the journey that makes the hero. Read some mythology. Read some science fiction. Read some fantasy. Find me a hero that had a happy life, who had everything laid out before them. Think of the popular heroes of our culture, line them up side by side, and tell me what common thread you find wound among them. Luke Skywalker, Harry Potter, Neo... all went through absolute hell to get where they were. There's a burden that comes with being special; it means you are destined to struggle with some serious shit. And that's what makes the hero. Every hero finds themselves faced with a choice. Their specialness, their destiny, is a given. It will not change or go away. The question is how they deal with it. Does the shit make them a villain or does the shit make them a hero?

We were born alone in this corner of the universe; a rare and special combination of just right in a solar system of just right in a universe of just right. Cosmically speaking, our entire species occupies a very awesome sweet spot. We, each of us, are one of the few (not only, but not many) occurrences of sentient aware beings in this science experiment. What are we going to do with it? Certainly our future is dubious as a species, but what of our future as individuals, for it is as individuals that we comprise this species. We were born, we are going to die. We are each unique. These are givens. What we do with those givens are up to us. So I ask, do you dare to be special? Do you have what it takes to confront yourself, to battle your demons and struggle with yourself until you find yourself at harmony with the universe, until you know your unique purpose? Do you have what it takes to embark upon the hero's journey, to stand out, to lift your species to greatness? Or are you a selfish villain, will you hamper the survival, the betterment, the greatness that is our potential, because all you are concerned with is yourself? Are you a villain? Or worse, are you a mindless nothing, giving your money, your support, your very existence to the villainy of selfishness?

Today is the day you make that decision. I made mine. What is yours?

Know Thyself

for years now I've made a habit out of scrutinizing myself and analyzing my flaws and weaknesses. I think I can honestly attribute this practice to the continued presence of Rhiannon in my life. at first this process required an external combustion source, harsh criticism by one of her priestesses. it was painful. and it got to be even more painful. once I was past the stage of being verbally told my flaws, I moved into the stage where painful events beyond my control revealed them to me. I began talking directly to Rhiannon, and her hand certainly felt quite heavy. but after every wound had healed I found myself more whole, as though an infection had been removed from me. and so I persisted. for certain the process is not entirely internal yet; the universe still prompts me to recognize the spots "I've missed", but it has become less painful. and this is as it should be; I am a crystal in the jeweler's hand, each step of the sandpaper is softer than the last.

like a crystal, although I am more beautiful in my polished state, polishing me does not remove my flaws; it refines them. to remove the flaws in a stone would be to remove what makes that stone different from another. rose quartz is actually the same thing as an amethyst. both are "impure" versions of a quartz, each infused with a different periodic element. if you removed that impurity, you would no longer have a rose quartz or an amethyst. likewise, it is our "flaws" that make us different from one another, that make us who we are instead of someone else. but our flaws need not be negatives that detract from our beauty, they can be refined to make us the best that we could be.

we are each reflections of the divine, and as such our flaws are not terrible things to destroyed, but challenges and strengths we have yet to uncover. we were born with these specific traits because that is what the universe needed. our specific combination of traits is perfectly suited to help ease the suffering of another part of the universe. we are born to be the antidote to another's pain. but if we do not examine ourselves, if we do not uncover these flaws and transform them from weaknesses into strengths, if we persist in lying to ourselves, we will be unready, unwilling and unable to help each other. this is why self-examination and honesty are necessary. as long as we are in denial about who we really are, we are unable to use that knowledge to make the world a better place. in doing so we deny our purpose, our destiny, our identity.

Learn to Love

In searching for the Tibetan script for a Tara mantra, I came across a profoundly disturbing website. It was filled with image after image of Tara, her mantras, etc. And it was dedicated solely to the praise and pursuit of anorexia. My first reaction was anger; how dare anyone use her name in such profanity. Then I felt sadness, for if anyone needs Tara it is this young woman. Both were my monkey brain trying to distract me from the truth. If anyone needs Tara, it is me.

Being drawn to Tara is not a sign of praise, it is a sign of desperately needing help. Those of us who are called to her are not good people. We posses a secret self hatred that drives us to create our own suffering in the most literal of ways. We cut, we starve, we pick, we binge, we purge. Tara is the Bodhisattva of curing self-hatred. (That is not to say that you must be these things to be called by her; she is a saviouress of many other things too.) Like Christ, she comes not for those good souls, but for we damned. She has set herself the impossible task of saving all women, and so she must stop that horrible sickness so common in women; the belief that we are bad beings, deserving of punishment, that we must force ourselves to be prefect.

Somewhere we forgot that, as women, we are each representations of the goddess, life-givers incarnate. We are each sacred in our own, as varied as the goddesses mankind has worshiped over time. We are not all Venus, nor should we try to be. Even the Romans knew that.

Modernity has taught us that we are flawed, removed from perfection and divinity; that we must be tamed, corseted and tied in order to be worthy of worship. But all this does is obscure the truth. In seeking false perfection, we betray ourselves and our sisters. What begins as hatred of self is projected outward. We learn to hate other women for the perfection they have that we do not. We all wander around brimming with jealousy and hatred of ourselves, of each other. Our daughters inherit our prejudice, they learn our private rituals of debasement. An entire generation of women are raised in perpetuation of this banality. We no longer need men to vilify, devalue or abuse us, we do this to ourselves.

This is why feminism has failed. We will never have equality until we can uplift each other. We will never be respected until we respect ourselves. Until our sons and brothers see us as strong, as beautiful, until we have regained our place as daughters of the goddess, we will still see our sisters suffering unspeakable things. Their burden is ours.

Tara comes to us to teach us to love again, to love ourselves, to love our sisters. We broken vessels are her emissaries; if we can learn to love ourselves, every woman can. Think of her when the urge to cut is strong, when you want to harm yourself so bad it hurts. Say her name, her mantra, cry out. She will make you strong. She will make me strong. Let today be the last day we rejoice in our own suffering, let today be the first day we save ourselves.

Reality is a Cult of Illusion

Look around you. Take a good look. Do you see someone you dislike, perhaps a stereotype of another society, one faction of a social group pitted against yours? It's easy to think you're enlightened, that you are an American, that you come from the most-forward thinking country on the planet, and are therefore on the front lines of tolerance in society. But that, my friend, is one giant lie told to you by your monkey brain to excuse the other things you say.

How many times have I heard a white person look around the room and then confide to his friends that though he is not a racist, that he is sick of white people being mistreated and accused of racism, that he is denied work in favour of affirmative action, that his life is so terrible because of everything the black people receive. Or the mexicans, because of course, they are the "new black." A really clever monkey brain will tell you that it is illegal immigrants who do all of this, not just one specific race or culture. Those of us who are smart enough to recognize these views as the hatred that they are also tend to think that if we aren't guilty of these... that we aren't guilty at all. Not so, our monkey brains are just more clever.

Look closer at yourself, you will find them. Are you a member of a subculture? Are you a geek, hippy, stoner, raver, goth, punk, emo, nerd, musician, artist, circus performer, freak? Do you identify with the odd, the uncanny, and generally everything disliked by mainstream society like the number 13, Halloween, black cats and witches? Are you a witch? Are you a Pagan? Do you actively seek to undermine the man? Do you hate those who represent his ways? Do middle class, blonde, tanned, perfect, hollywood, conservative, consumerist, capitalist, people piss you off? Did you hate cheerleaders in high school? Listen to yourself. When you go out in public, do you view these people the way you always did? Do you see it as us versus them? You are racist too. You hold hatred for a culture, for your fellow human beings. You spread anger, fear, hatred and misery in the world. Especially those of you enlightened enough to hear what I'm saying. If you pray, meditate, do yoga, or any other sort of esoteric process, you are more damaging to the world than a flock of racists when you have hatred in your heart. Your thoughts influence the world more strongly because you practice that.

When you walk out into the world with hatred, with the idea that someone else is making your life miserable, dragging you under, tearing you down... you are making it so. You are programming the universe to listen to your expectations. You are sending energy to your adversaries, emboldening them to attack you more. You are filling the world around you with negative energy and attracting very ugly things to you, no matter how noble you perceive your struggle to be.

Do you want a better life? Do you want to live in a better world? Do you pay lip service to world peace? Then get off your ass and do something about it. Go out in the world tomorrow and LOVE. Love every human being you come across, no matter what their culture, social status, career, appearance, anything. Pretend they are all your friends. Watch what happens.